Lima: Chaos, Culture, and Questionable Showers

Arrival in Lima's Centro Historico

I landed in Lima, and praised the SIM gods that I wasn't landing in a new country, having to dodge yet another SIM nightmare. Don't worry, I have one more country left to tussle over the SIM.

Got to my place in the Centro Historico area, and it was beautiful inside. That area is renovating lots of places since it is a UNESCO World Heritage site, like Cusco. So there are certain standards that need to be upheld before the designation is taken away. ALSO, Pope Leo XIV lived in Peru for over 20+ years and is coming to visit in November. That's huge motivation.

They sure do love themselves some of that good ole Catholic stuff.

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Day 2, I really defined stupid when I signed up for a 14:45 "Free Walking" tour. I got there at 12:45 instead. Not one to just sit about dilly-dallying, I walked about, nibbled, and returned to the meeting point.

Then stupid got stupider when I got back an hour later and figured out it was only 13:45--good lord. A whole hour more to figure something out as I tooled around yet again. To my defense, all morning I struggled with the sporadic internet connection at my stay, needing to get stuff done online. I wasn't thinking clearly about time- but when am I ever!?

                That 24-hour time clock phucks with me, esp when my panties are all bunched up after fighting with management about internet issues all morning!
            

Views of the grand colonial architecture and bustling squares in Lima's Centro Historico, including the Cathedral and Government Palace.

A person standing in front of a grand, ornate church facade with intricate carvings and statues, likely in Lima's historic center.

An intricately carved, gilded altar inside a church, featuring religious figures and a central statue, showcasing detailed craftsmanship.

Internet Woes and the 'Widow Maker'

I began another day of frustrated internet juggling; literally walking around the rooftop breakfast area with my computer in my hand, trying to locate a signal. Other guests just shook their heads at the American. Man, I've given the management all degrees of hell about this issue; long story.

                By the way, this place is equipped with one of those electric, point-of-use heated shower heads—often nicknamed 'Suicide Showers' or 'Widow Makers.' They make me nervous since I’ve been bitten (shocked, buzzed...) many times before while trying to adjust them.
            

A 'suicide shower' or electric point-of-use heated shower head, with exposed wires, mounted on a tiled bathroom wall.

Sensory Overload at Central Mercado and Chinatown

Anyway, finally left my room with my la favorita goals in mind: Central Mercado and Chinatown. They were within a couple of blocks of each other. There is nothing I love more in a country than perusing the city market! I have to eat stuff I wouldn't normally get on the typical street. Fun! It's full pandemonium, especially on a Saturday. This time, I nabbed myself some great Chinese food. Normally, it sucks in these parts; not even as good as American Chinese.

Me not knowing the language, combined with people everywhere, vendors mixed in selling things streetside with their bullhorns on a constant loop [or screaming] about whatever they're slingin', blasting music, food scents wafting in the air, people frantically buying stuff, hawkers hawking snake oil, traffic, horns honking... it is utter chaos that triggers my fight/flight emotions.

                Being out of control like that, with my head on constant pivot, marveling at the moment, is a complete sensory overload to me. I love it!
            

A bustling fish market stall with a wide variety of fresh seafood on ice, and a plate of skewered marinated beef heart and aorta with potatoes from a street vendor.

Chinatown's Spa Surprise and a Deep Tissue Fix

After wandering, I entered a 5-story building in Chinatown. All Cheap Chinese tchotchkes on floor 1. BUT, floor 2, the majority of floor 3, and bits of floor 4 were back-to-back facial spas, nail shops, massage studios, or some combination thereof. There were at least 100 shops like this—good god, as if variety is illegal. It baffles me how identical businesses, side-by-side, survive when they're basically doing the exact same things.

I wanted some deep tissue work for my lower back. I eyed this dude and could tell he's my man. I yearned for someone with heft for this project. He gave me a great, 1-hour, deep-tissue massage, as I was hoping, combined with suction cups and acupuncture needles, harnessed with e-stim devices.

All for $17!!! I'm going back tomorrow and maybe treat myself to a facial as well... stay tuned.

                The vast majority of "masseuses" were slight women, some sporting that 'happy-endings' twinkle in their sassy eyes.
            

Market Delights and Pisco Sour Festival

After that, I went to the mercado. Full of vendors from food stalls, to fresh fish, meats, and produce, to toothpaste and panties. One-stop shopping. Yes, please! Funny thing to see is dogs hanging out in the mercado. Just lying about not bothering others. The majority of mercados I've been are very clean and don't have odors.

I then went to the Centro Historico square, where they were celebrating their annual Pisco Sour festival. Yay for me, friends. More chaos, throngs of humanity, and ultra-loud music!

                On the way, I got hit up by a street food griller who hooked me into skewered marinated beef heart and aorta served over potatoes. Oh, life is too good to me.
            

A banner for the Lima Pisco Sour Festival, a close-up of a Pisco Sour drink, and two selfies of the author enjoying the festival atmosphere with crowds in the background.

The Undercover Booking.com Secret Shopper

I met an 'undercover' Booking.com secret shopper during my stay. Interesting job she has, flying to all parts and secret shopping stays. She gets sent to properties once they start receiving too many negative reports. Then someone like her comes in, takes diligent notes, writes up their findings, and presents them to corporate. She told me of some scary times she faced at properties after showing them videos or recordings of being 'caught in the act'. Every new location, she informs corporate and local police of her whereabouts and wears an emergency button on her neck, alerting the police/corporate if anything goes sideways, which it sounds like it has multiple times; scary.

We got into a bitch-fest about the internet and other items at our place. This gal was militant; I'd hate to be on the other side of her ire. The hotel really phucked with her about nickle/diming (rates of exchange in their favor, and fees added for credit card usage...), horrible internet connection, and other items... she's pissed, and they're gonna get blacklisted from the Booking.com site.

I thought the common spaces were beautifully renovated and well adorned, even though the rooms were quite utilitarian. It sucks being them soon. Their myopic business model just cost them huge customer exposure and serious losses of income!

Onward to Chancay and the Bus Station

Finally, I found a reasonably priced place up north on the coast from Lima, Chancay, starting tomorrow night. I made reservations for 4 nights, and now all I have to worry about is getting there- more time wasted planning. Why there? Unsure. Rollin' the dice as per usual.

In the morning, I headed over to the bus station in Lima. I walked into the main entrance and was overwhelmed with options. There had to be well over 100+ bus sales agency kiosks. Some had to be resellers, but many seemed to have their own buses. This station was clean, organized, and offered many ancillary retail services. The bus price points are all relatively reasonable.

                Bus stations in Latin America are monstrous, usually clean, offer lots of food/stuff outside & inside, and are ground zero for chaos- my kinda place!
            

Let the slow-roll begin.

In a world where...

- One-horse town's lizard overlords return? - $16 massages: Legal superpowers? - Could Sierra Nevada Bay be the promised land or another candy bar in a Punchbowl? - Onward Christian soldier; scarring communities in a nomadic wake. - $10.50/night stay without the El Salvador hookers. - Meandered hood for food, instead got street cred as the glaring white anomaly. -$12 full shave and cut amid Sunday night holiday wildness—spring vibes unleashed! - When chickens fly north for fish fights. - Flashbacks of trashed Bangkok tuk-tuk at 3 AM: Flying through streets for flower market trouble—"One Night in Bangkok" remix. ~ need I say more?!